On Monday, I enjoyed a nice, leisurely hack inside. It wasn’t too long, and it was nice to get out and stretch my legs. Except for the end where the monkey on my back my rider decided to participate in No Stirrup November. If you haven’t heard of it, be sure NOT to mention it to your human, it’s borderline cruel and unusual punishment, and I’ve already threatened to get my lawyer involved.
After that I got cookies (Stud Muffins, my second favorite!) and extra hay because I am awesome.
My human came out in the dark and brought her boyfriend (although I’m told he will now be family… color me skeptical). I thought it would be business as usual, but she was all frantic and I was amused at her impression of running around like a chicken with its head cut off (which I’ve never seen myself, but I have it on good authority from the cow pony next door that it’s very funny).
We promptly went to the wash stall (in the dark) and I got a bath. Which was okay, except for the part where I had to get my face washed — my human needs to learn that she has a maximum of 15 seconds with the hose in my face. More dedicated training in this area is needed; however with winter fast approaching I fear she will forget all of her lessons by the time summer rolls around. Sigh.
Then I stood around in the crossties with my blankets on, which was very boring. But the boyfriend held my bucket so I could eat dinner… hopefully this whole “becoming family” nonsense does happen because he is a good bucket-holder.
I was angry because I did not get to go outside with my friends and I don’t know why! I was in the barn all by myself for hours before my human finally showed up. But then there was a CAMERA, which is my favorite because I get to be the center of attention, which is where I belong, because I’m awesome. So we did some walking around the farm and I got to eat a lot of peppermints (which are my favorite!), and my human tried to pose for the camera, but she’s not very good at it. Poor thing. I also got to meet my younger brother, who smells like a dog, but is small like a cat. Very confusing, but whatever — I got more peppermints so I was happy!
But then everything went downhill very quickly. The human’s friend came (she is not well-trained, does not feed me treats and does not think my grumpiness is “cute” like MY human). And she CLIPPED ME. And I hated it — those clippers feel so funny and are ticklish and the human went SO SLOW. It was awful.
I only got to go to the indoor today to play, which started my day off very poorly. There is no grass and I do not get to chat with my buddies in the indoor. To make matters worse, my human’s friend came BACK out and clipped me AGAIN. I told her that this kind of treatment was unacceptable, but she didn’t care at all. Bitch.
Finally my human came out, and we did one of those sessions with all my friends and the other human in the middle who talks a lot. I like her the bestest because she always tells me I am good and helps make my human ride less like a monkey. But I was still very upset with how poorly my week had been and I decided that it was time for a tough lesson for my human.
So I was really cranky the whole time — I pinned my ears at all the other horses, swished my tail when she put her leg on and cow-kicked a few times when she asked me to canter. That should teach her to treat me so poorly!
But then there were jumps! And I love to jump — the human in the middle who talks a lot always lets me jump so I love her. Today she told my human to leave me alone and ignore my “attitude” (thank GOD someone around here understands me!)
So after that things were good, and I got very sleepy so I slept while the other ponies jumped around. It was a nice nap and my buddies told me I didn’t miss anything exciting. Afterwards, my human didn’t even brush me (the training is working!) so I went to bed nice and tired and happy with my treats and hay… because I’m awesome.
Here’s hoping my human doesn’t come out to see me today. I am really sick and tired of her this week.